Love My Way II

Hey medical professionals-

I graduated. Without honors. As two year class president. Raised more money for my school than any class president before me. Fund raised like a phoenix, out of the ashes and into a nice prepaid banquet for everyone and half of their partner at a decent venue in the moist Armenian hills of lovely Burbank. Fucking paid by me. 75 grads. 42 a plate. I spent $175 of class money on presents for our advisors. I set aside $300 for a class legacy. I bought the class and faculty lunch, twice. I wrote a grant for re-imbursement of PDA's for all union affiliated students, which was approved. Champion. I formed a yearbook committee intentionally made up of the most jealous haters in my class. The turds who talked shit about me the WHOLE FUCKING TWO YEARS BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE THE ENERGY TO PRETEND TO THINK THAT THEY WERE DECENT ADULTS, WITH POTENTIAL NURSING CONSCIENCES SO I IGNORED THEM PERSONALLY. I ENGAGED A CLIQUE LIKE MAVERICK AND GOOSE ENGAGED A BUNCH OF COMMIE MIG-28'S. (Wow, that's a delightfully psychotic paranoid rant! With an 80's reference. Awesome.)
I alienated myself because this group of students, I’ve worked with many nurses that they will become. It was too obvious. Lazy, egotistical, vengeful, punitive, dishonest. Always interupting lecture to tell a story about how they went out of their way to help a patient, like "I'm gonna hold up everyone's time so I can kiss some ass with a story about something that Ididn't even do!" Or gasping dramatically whenever one of the instructors would use an example of a situation with a negative outcome. And always, always, laughing haughtily whenever an example of what-not-to-do was given, "Pshhh! I would never do that. How stupid!"
All of them instructors favorites. All of them full of utter shit. Basically stated: this was the clique of students that I found most unappealing as one of the many cliques swirling around 75 students. Just not good peoples. But I still wanted to put them to work and I did. Ironically, these were the same students that got all the awards that I did not. Very Tao. Just goes to show, Haters don't change. You can find them in their embryonic state even at nursing schools. Perhaps the old addage is true: Don't hate the player, Hate the game. I hates the way the game is played and I hates the the haters. Fuck you both. At least Players negotiate, compromise, collect rewards for everyone involved.
Whatever.
Informed by my faculty advisor that I was not given scholarships and awards because "Most of our clinical instructors feel that you are arrogant, don't take criticism well and are paranoid. And just so you know, the class awards are a popularity contest anyway and you are not popular with faculty."
To which I said, "I don't disagree. But do you think I would have been able to accomplish half of the things that I did if I wasn't arrogant, oblivious to criticism and paraniod?"

"No. Probably not. You will be a leader in nursing." My instructor smiled. I smiled. A little bit of candor, a little bit of real conversation goes a long way. And what did I do to receive this tid bit of discretion free conversation? Let me share...

I had brought my wife and baby to the awards ceremony only to have us sitting there with our thumbs up our keisters while some of the most relentless ass kissers and thinker-in-the-boxers received scholarships and awards. My name-definitively not called. But I was told by faculty advisor that i was a shoe-in? A fucking coup? What gived?
As fate would have it, after the ceremony I somehow managed to get my sweet little family into the elevator with the same cadre, the same junta of 4 instructors who shot me down. It was me an all of my old clinical instructors, and I was pissed. Fucking nursing games.
I said to my faculty advisor as the elevator unsteadily creaked up to the lobby, "So what happened with those awards?" The hens abruptly shut up.
She replied in the most possibly fake "I give a shit" patronizing voice ever uttered from a nurse, "Oh, honey, those were just nominations." She must have liked my wife's shoes because she wouldn't look at me in the face. My last clinical instructor, Ms. Perpetual Cell phone Coffee Break was standing next to her. She briefly glanced up and smiled at me, a hateful smile, a subtle sneer so snide that only a very hurt, vindictive person could make it. Then she looked away moments before eye contact. Steam came out of my wife’s ears. Well at least the wife saw firsthand some of the bullshit. At least she knows.
But I actually liked my faculty advisor, despite her insincerity at that moment. And I really do appreciate that a week later she told me what the real deal was with the awards. They no like me. Oh well. I no care.

I was told these realities one week after not getting said awards, one week before I gave the commencement address at graduation, in front of all the faculty instructors of the school, in front of the CEO of one of the largest healthcare organizations in the world. In front of the director of the SEIU for this healthcare system. Maybe I'm paranoid but how fucking stupid are they?

But I gave a nice speech. I sent a copy of it to one of the authors of "From Silence to Voice- What Nurses Know and Must Communicate to the Public", Bernise Buresh. She wrote me back.

ˆDear AMN,

Thank you so much for contacting us and for your kind words about our work. I read your commencement address with great interest and especially liked: There is a fine line between “taking stress home with you” and letting your family know that your intervention saved a patient’s life that day.

I am saddened, though, by your description of the attitude of your nursing instructors. It made me want to go right out there and do a workshop with the faculty. I’m pleased to tell you that I come in contact regularly with instructors and working nurses who are quite different from those you describe.

Whatever specific path you choose, I hope that you will have a fulfilling career in nursing.

With respect and best wishes,
Bernice Bureshˆ

That's nice. I could of used some more of that kind of attitude during school. Pretty cool that she wrote back, though.

I take the NCLEX on JUNE 24. Fuck me. I'll pass. I 've been asking other nursing students what their schools were like. "Easy"
"Sooo much fun", "Okay".

I have two of my classmates with me at the Kaplan review course. Rachel, a 25 year old virgin Pilipino Catholic smoker who manages to say "fuck" more often then me, and my class treasurer, gulf war II veteran Geraldo Rivera. (Yeah I changed their fuckin' names). I asked them how they felt about our school yesterday during break. They just stared at me. Then Geraldo looked away. Rachel went for a smoke and probably to go talk to hurt little baby jesus. Just my luck, I went to the gnarliest nursing school in Los Angeles County. We are the county. So I ate my yogurt and fantasized being home by 1300 so I could take a shit and possibly avoid Hep A, lice, and fresh fresh one minute old herpes for one more day from the insane public bathrooms next to the downtown LA kaplan offices.

Here's my speech: (It's surprisingly cuddly) (grab another brew, glass of vino, or some more pills cuz this here is a 5 minute speech) AND BY THE WAY-IF ANYONE ELSE NEEDS TO GIVE A COMMENCEMENT SPEECH YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION TO RIP THIS LITTLE FUCKER OFF!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Commencement Speech Class of 2008-I
some school of nursing somewhere in LA County,
by
Angry Male Nurse

I would like to thank my wife for her partnership and understanding, as well as giving me a baby boy one year ago.


What an outstanding day this is! What an outstanding class! To all my classmates, my fellow new nurses, I want to say that you are by far the most intelligent, motivated, and dedicated group of individuals I have ever had the honor of studying and working with.

To all friends and family members in attendance- I hope I can convey to you in the next few minutes the tenacity and scholastic intensity that your loved one has demonstrated over the last four semesters of education, AS IF YOU DON’T ALREADY KNOW! No doubt, you have observed your loved one study long, long hours, memorize seemingly incomprehensible charts and specific functions of the Human body.

During first semester we learned physical assessments which is the cornerstone for all nursing skills and the most important. Around first semester you may have noticed your loved one suddenly take an interest in all the sounds from deep inside your lungs and chest every time you took a breath. We tested to see how well your limbs functioned, we wanted to know what your regular diet was, we wanted to listen to the sounds inside your gut and we asked you about the sounds coming out of it as well. We wanted to know how you felt about your body and we probably gave you some information on how to make it work more to your liking.
We have been studying an intricate human body ballet, a multilayered framework of physiology coupled with responses to the hundreds upon hundreds of situations a nurse may find himself/herself in. So thank you for being the guinea pigs while we learned the fundamentals of the art of physical and psychosocial assessment.

I’m not sure what working as a registered nurse will actually be like. I’ve never done it before. We’ve observed and assisted nurses thousands of times throughout our clinical training in this hospital system )Omission!(. We have been able to assume responsibility for the care of as many as five patients at once and learned that our responsibilities as nurse are so numerous that delegation to nursing attendants becomes a necessity. As graduating nurses we have a pretty good understanding of what nursing will be like on a day to day basis. The nuances and details we will learn as we progress throughout our careers.

So I want to talk about what I know and what your families don’t. I want to make sure that you, family and friends fully appreciate the challenge of becoming a nurse and what clinical expectations are expected of all nurses, including students. Because there are a lot of misconceptions about what nurses actually do. Some people think nurses just give out pills. Others think nurses just change sheets. Some people think nurses are the physical embodiment of angels. Some people think nurses are grumpy. Did you know that according to a study completed by the Institute of Medicine in 1999 86% of medication errors were caught by nurses, not by physician staff?


To me, nurses are extremely well trained, tested for our capabilities in a tough situation, we are taught to think in terms of action and rationale. What we call a priority intervention, such as re-positioning a patient a certain way as a response to a specific medical situation like choking or fainting, others might call quick thinking. Nursing graduates: If your patient suddenly develops chest pain, what is the first thing that you do after assessment? We have been taught that the priority nursing intervention is to oxygenate. And again, what the untrained eye may call quick thinking, to nurses, it is a reasoned response.

So what does priority intervention mean?
Simply stated: I slip an oxygen mask over your head and tell you to take some deep breaths and try to get oxygen to those deprived cardiac muscles. The simplest of actions requires reasoning and training. If the pain persists then I will move to the next intervention which is to medicate you for your chest pain and to further relax your heart and the demands placed on it.


I would like all family members to take what you have seen and heard on TV or movies about registered nurses and replace it with these words: Nurses are leaders in hospitals. Nurses make critical decisions in hospitals. Nurses perform crucial assessments of patients in hospitals. Essentially, nurses collaborate with every discipline the medical field has to offer, from physical therapy to gastroenterology to social work.

NURSES ARE THE LIFE BLOOD OF THE HOSPITAL AND MEDICAL CARE along with administration, doctors, respiratory therapists, dieticians..

You can ask a registered nurse for medical advice. They are licensed to give it. When you are a patient seeking medical attention you can expect a registered nurse to advocate for you, along with every other member of the medical team.You can expect a RN to collaborate with physicians to obtain the best possible outcome, which is the return to optimal wellness.
We anticipate negative effects of hospitalization and counteract its forces by simply walking with you down the hall way to ensure that a clot doesn’t form in your leg, or that you skin stays free of signs of breakdown from being in bed.

We facilitate positive outcomes while healing and do it in a manner that is sensitive to your culture and beliefs.

I would like to ask all friends and family members to inquire of their graduate loved ones what they do on a daily basis once they become registered and begin working. There is a fine line between “taking stress home with you” and letting your family know that your intervention saved a patient’s life that day. Or because of your thorough daily assessment of your patient, your detailed review of their chart and labs you discovered a finding that prevented a serious, life altering event from occurring.

Classmates, we have so much to be proud of, what we have accomplished here at school and what we will accomplish as medical professionals. Please, Classmates, remember to share your experiences
Instructors, family members, administrators, you can rest assured and feel confident that through your guidance and support that this first graduating class of 2008, school name serioulsy deleted here, is ready, willing and able to accept the challenges of the healthcare system now.

Search and Destroy

Thought I'd drop a line.

Finished classes. Whatever. Advanced Med surge was groovy but Nursing Professional Role was like sitting in cold diarrhea 3 hours a week.
The highlight of Role was when one of the instructors, who happens to be a shop steward for SEIU decided to give the collective bargaining lecture. She pointed out the good and bad of the union, relatively objective in an unobjective way. She talked about her political work, her constant advocating for more pay, better treatment. I asked her why the newly negotiated contract took specialty pay away from the critical care nurses to give regular floor nurses a raise. And why was she telling the class that she helped negotiate a raise for everyone. She stared at me for like a minute. And then she said, "We read the contract wrong. We're working on it." Oh. That's cool. I guess it's okay then.
And then she went on with her political missionary-martyrdom position for all nurses. (I just totally made a sex joke) But all anyone heard was that she received free trips to D.C. for meetings. So then the class started jumping all over her shit for taking free trips to D.C. The obligatory and perpetually righteously indignant African American chick said, "Maybe the specialty units wouldn't have lost their pay if you hadn't been taking free trips all over the country!" And then she looked around at the class and said, "You know?" Comedy.

I can safely say nobody made a point that stuck in the ensuing argument. It made me happy. A little piss to warm the diarrhea, as it were. Cuz the bottom line is the SEIU is gonna do whatever the fuck the SEIU wants to do. Negotiate. Right.

So all I got left is an 8 hour clinical competency scenarios exam. It should be called "really fucked up sick people and their incredibly depressing life stories case studies" but the test is compromised of 22 fucking case studies of ridiculously sick patients.
Here's an example:
Patient #1: NAME: Mr. RandyDickhead
AGE: Can't tell
RACE: Annoying
Wt: Fat. Really fuckin' fat.

C/C: RUQ pain, 10/10 radiates to R. flank and chest. N/V x 3 days, dysuria, fever, HA, blurred vision.
DX: Adrenal Paraganglioma
Urine: bili:0, Ket:0, Blood=neg pH=6.5, urobili=1.0, nitrate=0, glu=0, color=red, clarity=clear, S.G.=1.016, epithelial cells=>30 Bact=none
Then I get a bunch of the most incredibly fucked up labs of all time, and a bunch of intentionally contradictory and poorly written med orders, you know, like how it really is at cccccounty. Then onto priority nursing dx, nursing interventions.
But the whole thing seems far fetched. Like, I get it, pheochromocytoma but blood in the pee-pee? That's a bit of a stretch isn't it? Bloody piss because of an adrenal tumor? Do I have to change my diagnoses to Decreased renal tissue perfusion? Anybody out there? Can you guys enlighten me?
Why do I need to think about this shit?
So is the life of a nursing student.

I've pre-emptively changed the name of my blog as you can see. It's sort of like, you know, to psyche myself up for the NCLEX and subsequent employment. And it should solicit more hate from the haters.

Licensed 2 ill.

Hope you guys are doing well out there. Cheers.

Beat that tin drum

Gotta focus on graduating.

See everybody at end of May.

To all the people who told me to join Narcolovers Anonymous, get a life. It's called creative writing Mo'Fo's. I made it up.

Cheers. Beat your tin drum.

How Soon is Now

Prefice: I don't want no moral highground responses from this okay? And don't threaten me with the BRN alright?You can say what you want but be real. I want you to think, don't judge and try to understand that people come from all walks of life and in this profession you are in contact with them. Take off that white dress for just a sec okay, baby?

Alright friends. This is where I cross the line. Its time for the truth. Just because they don't teach it to you in nursing school doesn't mean its not out there. Yep. The blacks RN's hate the Mexican RN's. Phillipino's RN's hate the Nigerians RN's. The Chinese RN's hate the Vietnamese RN's. The Korean RN's hate everybody. Vehemently. The white RN's think that they "secretly" despise everyone but as a white guy who is as baffled by white culture as my Ethiopian co-worker during our daily lunch break talk, it's obvious and we can tell. White aint right. Brown doesn't mean its time to get down. Black is wack. What the fuck rhymes with Vietnamese?

Vietnamese don't do what you please?

But whatever. we all know race exists. We're just not allowed to talk about it. American's, technically, aren't even supposed to notice race. That would make us ˆracistˆ. My wife isn't of my race. I noticed. I'll admit it. And now I've got a little mix baby crawling around. I noticed, I'll admit it. But not enjoying the differences, pretending not to notice- bores me. You all bore me.

My friends, The intra hospital race wars is not what I have come here to speak of to you this evening. Oh no. I want to, how do you say, ˆdivertˆyour attention from the minutiae. From the atmosphere of blasé daily affairs, from the things you know you will have to do: assessment, meds, chart, dressing change, IV's, more meds, talk some shit about your fucked up co-workers, take a step back baby and just look around.

Is everybody wasting? or wasted. How easy is it to put that 5mg dilaudid into your pocket-after all your pt that hapless mother fucker with bi-lat ORIF and a glorious GSW to the left butt cheek only gets 1mg IM every 4 fucking hours. For BTP. Good luck with that. Thanks for your compassion you saucer shaped pupil resident. Took me a month to figure out why all the residents were fucking anorexic, jumpy and working 48 hours in a row. Duh! Don't be so naive you fuckers. Just takes an appointment. And its legal.

Diverting is a felony. Fel-o-ny! You are no longer a nurse but a common criminal. High as a kite.

But that’s not where it's really at, my friends. The good shit, the shit you can maintain with and make a 100k comes from your psychiatrist. That pimp dealer. He's a physician but he's a pusher too and you know what? There is no healing with that motherfucker. Where does it end? At what point does the shrink say, "I fucking fixed you with all my drugs, now you are better. I guess I need some new clients!" Doesn't happen. Shrinky dink would never say,"You stressed? Try some of this shit it's called MS Contin. You can shoot it snort, stick it up your ass, its great." That's too easy. He prescribes shit you've never heard of. The latest shit. The French have invented a new drug called "Provigil". Its like speed accept you can sleep on it and don't get the euphoric buzz of meth. Put that on the PPO card, my good man. I'm fucking street legal now.
I don't think most of my co-workers divert. I don't think the idea of slamming high octane opiates has even crossed their mind. Thank god. They get high in other ways. This I know.
The hypothetical:
But getting high has crossed his mind, friends. Up until now, he'd never had access. Now he has access and he thinks to himself, "I look at these patients with fucking unbelievable injuries, when I come on they are writhing in pain, some faking it just wanting chemically mediated release, some really fucked up and hurting. I give them their medication regardless, I am the nurse, IV push, IM, fucking PO, and whoosh-they can't wait for my q day physical assessment. If someone who has been shot 7 times and sporting a brand new colostomy with bloody drainage, if this street fighter, if this man who takes these traumatic insults in his stride while he lies in bed plotting his revenge, his URBAN COMEBACK, if he can tell me that I am the greatest nurse he's ever had- and its only 0830. Fuck that must be some good shit right there.
That shit will take the edge off of the shit I've been prescribed just to make it through this day, it'll make things alright. "
I surmise the high:

Alright. alright...he can feel his own breath hovering around his head, evaporating into delicious ether that can only come from a teeny tiny sterile little bottle with fluid in it that looks like water, that turns to red red wine and feels like some peace is finally cascading up through his antecubital to a royal fuck you all, to let him just lay low. He just smiles and nods and knows.
High, he thinks, "My pain doesn't hurt, in fact it feels good and I have a little bit of time before that fucker called work goes off again. My condo is on the same street as my hospital, I live a few sweet blocks away and in my bliss, blissed out I hear the squads running, flying by with sirens operatically calling, Code 3 is now peacefull and funny, so many times a night YYEEOOOWW, I just giggle cuz they are here to touch my mind, just wrap my skull up in a soft wool baby blanket. To breathe."

The next day- this nurse, this imbecile, rolls up to work and this dumb motherfucker thinks that nobody notices. Most don't. Most of his coworkers are unsuspecting. Some are habitual shit talkers looking for dirt. Some care and have seen it before.
Swear to god his name was Hal. Hal was an ex-army RN. Like that means something. Maybe just that he knows a lot more dude nurses.
"Hurt my knee in the Army." That was his story and he stuck to it. Hal told somebody he shouldn't have trusted that he took Demerol every night for the pain. I don't know how you could work four 12's a week if your knee was all fucked up from a softball accident in the army, I don't know, maybe Hal should have lost some fucking weight and taking the strain off that knee.
Anywhooo-Hal would roll up and work everyday, the same fuckin way. Profusely diaphoretic, extremely irritable, you could say irrational, shaking, looking so goddamn pale. Fucking in withdrawal. 4 long ass days a week. He thought of himself as an honorable and good RN, didn't want to work around patients high, I don't know what his logic was because he was pretty fucking unstable kickin four days a week.

People give me shit cuz I'm still a student RN, and I talk and write like I know so much but what a lot of arrogant nurses can't fathom is that life starts before RN and before RN I was EMT and before that I was a student , and before that was just waiting and it was always my job to obey and do what I was told and watch. And watch I did. I watched Hal's co-workers, most of whom had worked with his failing ass for at least 5 years. None of them every did anything. Is that friendship? Loyalty? Understanding that Hal had a wife and a daughter who probably wanted to go to a college she was not in the right social strata to attend?
There is no dramatic ending to Hal's story that I know of. I left that ER, Hal was still shakin' it up and his co-workers were still pretending not to notice. I'm not an RN yet. But I am an adult, a father, a human. What would I do with a license to maintain? None of my business.
But the way I found out Hal had an addiction to pain meds was simple enough. We were pushing a pt upstairs, the gurney every so lightly bumped into Hal's right leg and he said unto me through gritted teeth and sweat soaked hair matted against his fat face, "I wish I was at home with Demerol right now." Cheers to that Hal. Your girlfriend awaits. Thanks for being honest, dude.

Adderall. Wellbutrin. Ativan. Xanax. Prozac. Vicoden. Norco if you're lucky. Lamictal. Lexapro. Candy my friends. Anything to get u thru the shift. This show must go on, we've got a new star and her name is Super High Accuity. She'll make you a super nurse. Give you some stories to tell at the bar after work or at a lame party but she doesn't do shit for your psychic scars. She doesn't give a fuck about YOUR trauma. Fuck the pyxis. Comedy.


Best line ever in a movie was in Wallstreet. Charlie Sheen, Oliver Stone production.

Buddy (charlie) is about to get arrested for violating SEC insider trading rules. Police and federal agents are wating in his corner office. Right before his arrest he stumbles into one of the older traders, Lou, a kind, wise old stock trader who has seen this young man's unstoppable demise coming for quite some time.
And he says,
"Bud. I've got to tell you something. A man finds himself looking in the abyss, there is nothing staring back at him. At that moment he discovers his character. That keeps the man out of the abyss. "

The Racist Medical Field: Racist R.N's: Race Warfare

Some shit boggles the minds, friends. Pull up a chair, read my rant, because in my rant you will see how my day transpired. Oh, just a warning. Don't read this shit at work because IT WILL get your lazy ass fired. (You should be so lucky!)

Fuck I want to write about racism and the medical field. I pondered attempting to get into it early in my blogging chronicles but I trust my fellow nurses so little that I didn't want to become the angry male nurse of the damned, like one of you snitches would call the California BRN and alert them that a possible immoral nurse is harvesting racist thoughts- "liquefy his potential license at once!"
so I decided to back off. I imagine the comments I would have received for an open and frank discussion about race relations in a county medical system would have enabled me to garnish my blog with the same snotty bitch comments I received on allnurses.blob. "Very unbecoming of a nurse." and "Its a shame that nurses like you exist." I even got excommunicated from the site for 6 months, I think my time is up, but like Lindsey Buckingham says, "I aint never going back."

I didn't get kicked off allnurses.blob for being racist, I got kicked off for being rude to other nurses who were trying to validate snacking themselves to death for super low pay. One of them went into it about how nursing should be a vehicle for all the disenfranchised 3rd world women of the world to come to America to provide substandard non-English speaking care and i lost my shit. I actually got kicked off by a foreign nurse who was moderating the discussion on the pro's and cons of foreign nurses. That's good ol' nursing objectivity for you. When I suggested that perhaps she wasn't the ideal candidate to be the MOD I got busted. Privileges revoked!

I'm sorry, I just don't see how extracting all the nurses form Nigeria will help anybody out. You think Phillipno's have shitty little tempers? Well baby you never met a Nigerian RN on her third 16 hour shift in a row with like nine capitalist kidsat home and an unemployed security guard husband. See, basically, we took them from fighting to have enough food, sheer poverty environment, from understanding what it is to value being alive, we took them from fighting for family and sincerity to fighting America's losing battle with soul-lessness. Fine now they won't starve, but they think they're starving because MOM RN won't buy them that Wii fast enough. Now they have enough food to eat so they are morbidly obese. Now they can trust their government (right), but grow up thinking they're deprived because their jeans don't cost $120. Now their newly minted Nigerian-American children are fighting battle to get the Iphone and $140 addidas. Do you think her kids give a shit about their starving cousins in Nigeria? Fuck no. As every red-blooded American kid knows, regardless of where their parents are from, those new blackjacks come in a mint green and they are fucking tight!

Fuck Nigeria. Fuck the Philippines. Fuck Vietnam. Fuck the UK. Fuck South Korea. Fuck North Korea, too. Fuck Kenya. Fuck Canada. Let me fuck Canada again. Fuck Canada. Fuck Japan. Fuck that former MD now lowly ass wiper RN from Romania. Fuck him. Fuck Arkansas. Seriously you travelers from that creepy state need to stay the fuck home. You're worse than the goddamn Guamese. Fuck Guam.

Fuck you white people. Fuck you black people. Fuck you Phillipinos. Fuck you all Asians who get to work early and take my good parking places. Fuck you mexicans. Fuck you el Salvadorians. Fuck the Jews. Fuck the Muslims. Fuck the Mormons, scientologists, 7th day Adventists (WTF!?), Fuck the kwanasians or whatever they're called. Fuck the Buddhists. Fuck the Taoists, the Hindu’s, the Sikh’s, And fuck that Pharmacist dude who knows that the best shitter is upstairs in the medical library and always stinks it up before I can get to it. He looks swarthy, maybe Moroccan. Fuck Morocco. fuck the jehovah's


Wait a minute- gotta talk about the Jehovah's.
If the wife and I ever decide to get around to further fuck our lives up with another kid- and we're getting down-and a fucking Jehovah comes knockin on my door, on a Saturday, right when I'm bout to penetrate that furry distance that sometimes separates me from my wife-It's gonna be like Luigi to Donkey King: I'm a gonna freak a the fuck out.
Seriously, I'm a morning fucker, I'm too tired to fuck at night. Fucking in the morning for me is like wake and bake for others. It's just how I like to start my day. Quaker instant oats and my wife’s delicious poonani. Mazeltov to that.

Fuck the Baptists, fuck the protestants, fuck the Catholics, fuck the episccipalianz, fuck the Lutherans, fuck the nondenominational mega church fuckers, the only ones I don't say fuck you to or those wacky fuckers who handle the rattle snakes, I love that shit. That's just fucking cool. I always see them getting interviewed on TV:

Hot Latina female Newscaster: Have you ever been bit?

Shit crazy Christian snake handler: Oh sure. Yeah.

Hot Latina female Newscaster: How many times?

SHit crazy Christian snake handler: oh, I'd say about 300.

Hot Latina female Newscaster: That's fucking crazy.

Shit crazy Christian snake handler: Yeah. He-he. Yeah.

I fucking love that.

FUCK THE CHRISTIANS! AND FUCK RN'S OF ANY RACE WHO FORM CLIQUES BASED ON RACE AS A GODDAMN LITMUS TEST. Cliques in hospitals should be formed on the capability of each member to perform grossly negligent behaviors, to destroy morale, who in the unit can take the most breaks and feel no shame? Who can eat a box of snackwells in less than 2 minutes, thereby turning them into Mealwells? Who can turn the most miniscule of events into A BIG FUCKIN Deal that requires written warning to be dispersed amongst the employees who actually work. Cliques should be formed based on how much personal chaos is brewing in your life, how many times you've cheated on your spouse and how much Wellbutrin you snort at lunch. CLIQUES HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH RACE! THEY ARE ABOUT FUCKERS WHO SEND COMPANY WIDE EMAILS IN CAPS ACCUSING EVERYONE OF DOING A SHITTY JOB EXCEPT OTHER MEMBERS OF THE CLIQUE!! Cliques have nothing to do with race, they are about a group of the most fucked up, foul, seriously miserable haters getting together to make everyone else hate their lives as much as they hate theirs. If I roll up to a unit and you fuckers are speaking in Tagalog- how the fuck am I supposed to know how in control and evil you are? How can you manipulate me in a language I don't understand? It just doesn't fucking work. Proper hatred is spread through all races, creeds, denominations. That's what makes the shit effective. Hold on a sec.....

I just had the most violent BM of all time, I was like bracing myself against the bathroom walls, that's how much you guys pissed me off tonight. fuck. I just gave birth in there, the porcelain is cracked and needs me to hold C-spine.

I'm going to try and sleep.

Next up, drugs. That's right fuckers. Co -workers on Drugs. It's ridiculous, we are trained to look for this shit and we are the ones who are high!. Just because a MD wrote the script doesn't mean we can't tell how on your ass you are. If that post doesn't get me sued then nothing will.
(You know who the biggest druggies are in the hospital?- RN's? Pharmacy? anesthesia? Access is power. Access is power. Access is power.

One good thing about Bush

One good thing about that fucking heartless criminal George Bush:


RECORD, and I mean RECORD voter turn out for a primary. After these last 8 miserable years, you bet your ass people are going to start voting again.


History will haunt Bush Co. like a fart in a car. A car with the windows rolled up and the heater on. It will linger way too long.

The Roughest Nursing School West of the Mississippi

The beat goes on. Or maybe I should say the beating goes on. Semester 4. Holy Moly! Glad to be here. Glad to be almost done.
This semester instructors did their usual show-of-force routine as previous instructors before them: not acknowledging the presence of any individual students, no smiles, no jokes. Eyeballing us secretly from the back of the room where they quietly congregated,looking at us, turning away and chatting, then looking back at us as if to say, "Look at that one there. What a chump. I'm gonna break him!" It had a real WWF wrestling vibe to it. I envisioned my 5'10,rather husky Nigerian born instructor, picking me up and spinning me above her head like apiece of pizza dough and then throwing me against a pile of chairs. After I hit the ground she bellows at me, "What labs should you check to see if you're okay after this traumatic injury? RBC's? No! Who cares how many red blood cells you have? BUN/Creatinine? I don't care about your kidneys. No! Check your CKMM, YAARGGH!"

The 4th semester chair had this to say, "I guarantee you by the end of this semester you will be burned out, so use your sick days wisely."

WTF!? Is that what nursing is about? A fucking marathon of busy work and a battle of wills? Maybe it is. What I can never separate, what I continually struggle to understand, is my instructors desire for us to be very competent novice nurses or are we reveling in their dark sticky bully side where they get off on fucking with us. I guess all this ball-breaking is for a good cause, and I, no doubt, will look back when after graduation and be thankful for the lessons I learned while still in school as a student as opposed to being on the floor with a license to defend...but at what cost? I can not BELIEVE how tired I was a month ago. It was scary. I was so tired, I didn't EVEN KNOW how tired I was.

I finally decompressed on the last week, the 4th week, of break. The first two weeks of vacation I was an anxious, irritable ball of nerves. The third week I slept, the fourth week I rejoiced.

Now I'm back in it with more soon to be fulfilled promises of extreme exhaustion and cramming. These fuckers even want us to come in on Saturdays to go to healthfairs and recruitment sessions (and I know like you know you can't recruit to a captive audience). Including clinical which is 17 hrs a week, I'm in class another 8 hrs over two days. Plus fucking 6 more for Saturdays. Isn't there some like nursing student sweatshop law? With all the massive write ups, projects, and arbitrarily graded care plans (fucking 3 our last semester- grand total of 9 throughout the program) and hellish exams I'm already in a straight jacket.

Whine, whine, whine. Fuck it, just get through it, I'm almost done. Keep on'. I'll do whatever it takes to have a job I feel truly passionate about and be able to adequately support my family. I should be so lucky.

Thanks for everyone's support with the previous post. It really helped.