Sunday, August 31, 2008

Meet me in the Morning

Made my employment decision. Didn't choose to work at "Your Jew Masters of Beverly Hills Hospital, yeah That's Right We Are Shitting Money". The pay and environment was better at Catholic Mother of the mountains of the everlasting Guadalupe ripe milky breast of the heavenly del taco. Surprisingly. Finished orientation. Orientated. And confused. Said, "Okay. I get it. Gotcha. Right." Maybe 50 times. So much critical info.
Didn't comprehend the sheer volume of paperwork associated with an ICU unit. Sadly noted that many of my stack of obligatory paperwork filings is to verify that a MD has done their job and filled out their necessary paperwork. Yes that's right. A good 25%, one full quarter, roughly 13 pages of the easily 50 pieces of paper I am expected to completely fill out on a daily basis pertain to me verifying if a doctor has written med orders, bothered to fill out informed consent for emergency procedures, asked about advanced directives, parameters for sedation vacation, instituted any sort of pain management protocols whatsoever, whether or not restraint guidelines have been ordered and a fucking shit load of paperwork regarding abnormal lab values and hemodynamic parameters. There is even an informed consent for anesthesia that I, as R.N., am supposed to fill out. Say what? I guess I am an uppity, arrogant new graduate but what business is it of mine to fill out any paperwork for anesthesia? How the fuck am I educated enough to evaluate whether or not a non-english speaking patient knows the inherent risks of general anesthesia? It scares me. The physiological responsibility is overwhelming, but the legal/administrative responsibilities are mind boggling as well.

Do you get it yet you pansy MD's reading this out there? Do you understand that it pisses me off that it's considered part of my job description is to wipe your ass for you?
and that if the day to day actual maintenance of the patient is not maintained perfectly I have been advised by my manager that you will then "yell" at me? (yeah right, I dare an MD to bellow at me in any situation other than a code. Bring that shit on.) I just want to be left alone with a patient and their difficult family members. I want to manage a sick person's health, I want to be a conduit for their families anger and sadness and futility but I don't want to be a secretary for a bunch of socially retarded prima donna's that are so smart they can't even DO THEIR OWN JOB. HOW THE FUCK IS IT MY JOB TO MAKE SURE THEY DO THEIRS, AND IF THEY DON'T, THEN I AM TO BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR FAILINGS?

But wait alright, I'll be cool, zen ponies, zen ponies- every nurse out there has to do this too, right? I am just experiencing some sticker shock- a newbies surprise at how things really are, how many things there really are- alright everybody. I'll be cool. And I will maintain my "stay shutup" policy and do my job. And do it well. Nothing to be angry about. I have a family. They need me more than my selfish anger does.
My first clinical is on Tuesday. Thank god I'm going to nights. No other place for this currently angry, antisocial motherfucker. Formerly. Heh. heh. What happened to my zen waterfall with unicorns and pixies and shit? Don't worry friends. It is still there. Every job, every gig, every aspect has its problems. I've got to roll with it. Nursing isn't about bliss. Its about skills, ballz, ovaries, and common sense, and organization. Things are well. I'm employed. I'm learning the ins and outs of a trade.

Things are well!!