Some shit boggles the minds, friends. Pull up a chair, read my rant, because in my rant you will see how my day transpired. Oh, just a warning. Don't read this shit at work because IT WILL get your lazy ass fired. (You should be so lucky!)
Fuck I want to write about racism and the medical field. I pondered attempting to get into it early in my blogging chronicles but I trust my fellow nurses so little that I didn't want to become the angry male nurse of the damned, like one of you snitches would call the California BRN and alert them that a possible immoral nurse is harvesting racist thoughts- "liquefy his potential license at once!"
so I decided to back off. I imagine the comments I would have received for an open and frank discussion about race relations in a county medical system would have enabled me to garnish my blog with the same snotty bitch comments I received on allnurses.blob. "Very unbecoming of a nurse." and "Its a shame that nurses like you exist." I even got excommunicated from the site for 6 months, I think my time is up, but like Lindsey Buckingham says, "I aint never going back."
I didn't get kicked off allnurses.blob for being racist, I got kicked off for being rude to other nurses who were trying to validate snacking themselves to death for super low pay. One of them went into it about how nursing should be a vehicle for all the disenfranchised 3rd world women of the world to come to America to provide substandard non-English speaking care and i lost my shit. I actually got kicked off by a foreign nurse who was moderating the discussion on the pro's and cons of foreign nurses. That's good ol' nursing objectivity for you. When I suggested that perhaps she wasn't the ideal candidate to be the MOD I got busted. Privileges revoked!
I'm sorry, I just don't see how extracting all the nurses form Nigeria will help anybody out. You think Phillipno's have shitty little tempers? Well baby you never met a Nigerian RN on her third 16 hour shift in a row with like nine capitalist kidsat home and an unemployed security guard husband. See, basically, we took them from fighting to have enough food, sheer poverty environment, from understanding what it is to value being alive, we took them from fighting for family and sincerity to fighting America's losing battle with soul-lessness. Fine now they won't starve, but they think they're starving because MOM RN won't buy them that Wii fast enough. Now they have enough food to eat so they are morbidly obese. Now they can trust their government (right), but grow up thinking they're deprived because their jeans don't cost $120. Now their newly minted Nigerian-American children are fighting battle to get the Iphone and $140 addidas. Do you think her kids give a shit about their starving cousins in Nigeria? Fuck no. As every red-blooded American kid knows, regardless of where their parents are from, those new blackjacks come in a mint green and they are fucking tight!
Fuck Nigeria. Fuck the Philippines. Fuck Vietnam. Fuck the UK. Fuck South Korea. Fuck North Korea, too. Fuck Kenya. Fuck Canada. Let me fuck Canada again. Fuck Canada. Fuck Japan. Fuck that former MD now lowly ass wiper RN from Romania. Fuck him. Fuck Arkansas. Seriously you travelers from that creepy state need to stay the fuck home. You're worse than the goddamn Guamese. Fuck Guam.
Fuck you white people. Fuck you black people. Fuck you Phillipinos. Fuck you all Asians who get to work early and take my good parking places. Fuck you mexicans. Fuck you el Salvadorians. Fuck the Jews. Fuck the Muslims. Fuck the Mormons, scientologists, 7th day Adventists (WTF!?), Fuck the kwanasians or whatever they're called. Fuck the Buddhists. Fuck the Taoists, the Hindu’s, the Sikh’s, And fuck that Pharmacist dude who knows that the best shitter is upstairs in the medical library and always stinks it up before I can get to it. He looks swarthy, maybe Moroccan. Fuck Morocco. fuck the jehovah's
Wait a minute- gotta talk about the Jehovah's.
If the wife and I ever decide to get around to further fuck our lives up with another kid- and we're getting down-and a fucking Jehovah comes knockin on my door, on a Saturday, right when I'm bout to penetrate that furry distance that sometimes separates me from my wife-It's gonna be like Luigi to Donkey King: I'm a gonna freak a the fuck out.
Seriously, I'm a morning fucker, I'm too tired to fuck at night. Fucking in the morning for me is like wake and bake for others. It's just how I like to start my day. Quaker instant oats and my wife’s delicious poonani. Mazeltov to that.
Fuck the Baptists, fuck the protestants, fuck the Catholics, fuck the episccipalianz, fuck the Lutherans, fuck the nondenominational mega church fuckers, the only ones I don't say fuck you to or those wacky fuckers who handle the rattle snakes, I love that shit. That's just fucking cool. I always see them getting interviewed on TV:
Hot Latina female Newscaster: Have you ever been bit?
Shit crazy Christian snake handler: Oh sure. Yeah.
Hot Latina female Newscaster: How many times?
SHit crazy Christian snake handler: oh, I'd say about 300.
Hot Latina female Newscaster: That's fucking crazy.
Shit crazy Christian snake handler: Yeah. He-he. Yeah.
I fucking love that.
FUCK THE CHRISTIANS! AND FUCK RN'S OF ANY RACE WHO FORM CLIQUES BASED ON RACE AS A GODDAMN LITMUS TEST. Cliques in hospitals should be formed on the capability of each member to perform grossly negligent behaviors, to destroy morale, who in the unit can take the most breaks and feel no shame? Who can eat a box of snackwells in less than 2 minutes, thereby turning them into Mealwells? Who can turn the most miniscule of events into A BIG FUCKIN Deal that requires written warning to be dispersed amongst the employees who actually work. Cliques should be formed based on how much personal chaos is brewing in your life, how many times you've cheated on your spouse and how much Wellbutrin you snort at lunch. CLIQUES HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH RACE! THEY ARE ABOUT FUCKERS WHO SEND COMPANY WIDE EMAILS IN CAPS ACCUSING EVERYONE OF DOING A SHITTY JOB EXCEPT OTHER MEMBERS OF THE CLIQUE!! Cliques have nothing to do with race, they are about a group of the most fucked up, foul, seriously miserable haters getting together to make everyone else hate their lives as much as they hate theirs. If I roll up to a unit and you fuckers are speaking in Tagalog- how the fuck am I supposed to know how in control and evil you are? How can you manipulate me in a language I don't understand? It just doesn't fucking work. Proper hatred is spread through all races, creeds, denominations. That's what makes the shit effective. Hold on a sec.....
I just had the most violent BM of all time, I was like bracing myself against the bathroom walls, that's how much you guys pissed me off tonight. fuck. I just gave birth in there, the porcelain is cracked and needs me to hold C-spine.
I'm going to try and sleep.
Next up, drugs. That's right fuckers. Co -workers on Drugs. It's ridiculous, we are trained to look for this shit and we are the ones who are high!. Just because a MD wrote the script doesn't mean we can't tell how on your ass you are. If that post doesn't get me sued then nothing will.
(You know who the biggest druggies are in the hospital?- RN's? Pharmacy? anesthesia? Access is power. Access is power. Access is power.